I want a cat.
This is not a new wish of mine. I’ve really been wanting a little kitten for the past two years now, but our circumstances haven’t yet allowed us to become feline parents. So for several months I’ve told Rick, “I really want a cat. I know we can’t have one, but I really want one.” I would love have a sweet little kitty that cuddles up next to me on the couch or near my pillow and purrs, contented to be coddled and stroked. So far, the closest I’ve come to being a cat-owner was doing some house-sitting for Rick’s aunt and uncle back in September. And truly, I found it hard to leave their adorable Lilly behind when they returned from vacation. Is it weird to miss a cat?
That is, until two weeks ago.
I returned home from grocery shopping one evening and as I grabbed a handful of bag handles, my eyes fell upon a little black fur patch at the foot of the stairs leading up to our apartment. I walked a bit closer and to my delight, a black and white cat was pacing diligently, eyes wide and staring as I approached. I smiled, said hello, and continued up the stairs.
He followed. (Now to be fair, I still really don’t know if this kitty is male or female, but for now we’ll just settle on the non-descript, third-person-singular “he.”)
I got to the top of the stairs and unlocked the door. He looked up at me and purred, rubbing his back all along my legs and the door post. “You want to come in?’
Nope. But he did want to follow me up and down the stairs until all the groceries were unloaded.
I really wanted him to come inside. He was barely a cat, still a little kitten-ish. He didn’t have a collar but he didn’t look starved, so I gave him a little bit of milk in a dish and closed the door. I thought that would be the end of my kitten adventure. Not so much.
The next night, Rick and I were eating dinner and we heard a scratching at the door. Sure enough, there was the cat. I put a little more milk in a dish inside this time, and scooted him into the apartment. Immediately, he lost all interest in my little offering and began to explore our home. He leapt up on our couch and rubbed his head all over our faces. He purred and kissed us…it was very sweet.
After about twenty minutes, he wanted to go back outside. So I let him out and said good-bye. I told Rick I’d christened him “Piper.” That way if he ends up being a she, we’re still good with the name.
Piper is very sweet. I love him. I love when he comes to visit, even though I normally only get to see him for about five minutes each time. He doesn’t come every day…just appears randomly on the stairs or by our door when he’s in the mood to be a bit domesticated. There will never be a day when I don’t give him some food or smile when he shows up on my doormat. Every minute he wants to be my kitty, I’ll take it and enjoy. But the thing is, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said, “I want a cat.”
And here is where Piper has taught me an important lesson. Though I love him, I know he’s not really mine. He’s a stray. He belongs to the world. And while I know that he would truly be happier in a safe apartment where I could love on him and give him more than just a little food, he’s not too interested in living that way. He likes his independence, his rag-tag life in the cold and rain. All I really want to do is shower him with love and cuddles, but I don’t get that opportunity when I only see him in five or ten minute intervals. Even when he’s very loving, it’s only when it’s convenient for him. Everything is on his terms.
How picture-perfect a parallel is this to my spiritual life for most of my years! So often, I have come to God on my own terms, contented with a little “milk” when He desires to give me meat. Happy to spend time in His presence so long as it doesn’t interfere with my independence and exploration of the outside. And yet how could I ever think that the cold and rainy world could compare with His glorious Presence, in which He desires and delights to shower His love upon me? For how can I enjoy and love my Master if I refuse to enter His dwelling place?
Will He ever turn me away? No. Just as Piper will always receive a smile from me, My Father in Heaven’s eyes will light up when I come to visit. But He asks and expects so much more! When we claim Him as Lord and Savior, we truly belong to him. We give up the world as we know it and enter into a covenant with Him. We cannot claim to belong to our Lord and still behave as if we barely know him.
God has laid upon my heart the words of Psalm 91:1-2 – “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.” While these words are profound on so many levels, I want to focus on just one subject here: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” We are not meant to be visitors in God’s presence. If we claim Him as high and holy Lord of all, we are meant to dwell with Him. To abide in Him. We cannot expect to rest in His shadow if we do not dwell in His presence.
A silly parallel, sure. But truly, my heart does ache a bit whenever I see Piper. I’m glad he’s come to visit, but I know it’s not to last. I feed him when he’s interested and pet him when he lets me, and all too soon he’ll meow at my door, ready to go outside. How much more must my Father’s heart ache when I go to church, read my Bible, pray over meals – when these things are convenient – and then ignore Him! Too tired to pray, too exhausted to sing His praises. He longs to give me so much, to lavish His love upon me…and yet in order to truly belong to Him I must dwell with Him, becoming truly HIS.
I’m so thankful that He is taking me on this journey, teaching me things little by little. These past few months of more intentional time with Him have availed much, and He is showing me what dwelling with Him truly looks like…and yet I want more. I am not perfect, nor have I arrived at being a truly “domesticated” follower of Christ. But oh! How my heart longs to be with Him, that I might dwell in the shelter of the Most High!
I love how God uses the everyday things in life to point us back to Him. He is so patient with us, never tiring of showing how much He loves us. His faithfulness despite our unfaithfulness is truly amazing!
Thank you for the profound parallel, my sweet. What a beautiful and convicting message, inspired by a furball used of God. 😉
I found your blog! 🙂 I like it; you’re a great writer. I see you have Passionate Homemaking on your blogroll; I like that blog too!